Turn Frustration into Forward Momentum With These Practical Tools

 

Listen on Apple Podcast | Listen on Spotify

 

In this episode, leadership coach Gene Hammett joins Chanie Wilschanski to unpack the transformational power of tough conversations—both in business and at home. Gene shares candid stories from life and work, revealing how leaders (especially school directors and owners) can become more present, patient, and powerful in every interaction. You’ll discover practical frameworks from Gene’s book How to Have Tough Conversations, designed to help you stop avoiding conflict, lead with emotional clarity, and build deeper trust within your team.

What You’ll Learn

• Why presence equals care – How small gestures (like putting your phone away) speak volumes.
• The 3× time rule – When a conversation should take 10 minutes, schedule 30 to allow space.
• Phase by phase – From “Understand & Clarify” → “Name the Pattern” → “Be Direct” → “Follow Up.”
• Lead with energy management, not just time – How to align your presence with others’.
• Avoid the saboteurs – Common pitfalls like avoidance and waiting until “big enough.”
• Tactical questions – Use Gene’s curated prompts to guide clarity and collaboration.

Key Takeaways

1. Be Fully Present

Put devices aside and show you’re listening with both words and actions. Presence is your silent way of signaling care.

2. Make Time for Tough Conversations

If you think it’s a 10‑minute chat, block 30 minutes. This breathing room allows for emotional processing and deeper dialogue.

3. Structure Matters: The Four Phases

1. Understand & Clarify – Ask questions, show curiosity.
2. Name the Pattern – Share observed behaviors.
3. Be Direct – State expectations and impact.
4. Follow‑Up – Agree on a next step or revisit to reinforce.

4. Manage Energy, Not Just Time

Plan around when you’re at your best and when the other person is most receptive—especially during high-stakes moments.

5. Avoid Common Pitfalls

Don’t wait until it’s “too big.” Early feedback prevents blow-ups—the donkey doesn’t have to fall before you help rebalance.

6. Lead with Tactical Questions

Download Gene’s question prompts for starters like:

• “How do you feel about this?”
• “How did I contribute to this situation?”
• “How do you usually respond when feedback comes up?”
  These questions ensure deeper insight and reduce defensiveness.

Quotes from the Episode

“It doesn’t cost anything to show people that you care and that you’re listening.” – Gene Hammett

“If you think a conversation is 10 minutes, give yourself three times the amount of time… end with breathing room.” – Gene Hammett

Why It Matters for School Leaders

• Build relational trust among teachers, directors, and parents
• Break the control habit by shifting from command to curiosity
• Normalize ongoing dialogue—not expecting one-and-done fixes
• Move from conflict avoidance to confident leadership

Action Steps You Can Take Today

1. Choose the next tough conversation – block 3× the estimated time.
2. Download Gene’s question prompts (link below) and pick 2–3 to start.
3. Plan your energy – block it when you’re most focused and calm.
4. Ask: “How did I contribute?” – start with shared ownership.
5. Schedule a follow-up check-in—this is your “meeting after the meeting.”

Resources & Where to Find More

• Gene Hammett’s book, How to Have Tough Conversations – available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Walmart, and more
• Gene’s coaching at Core Elevation – https://genehammett.com/
• Next step: Tune in to explore how practicing presence and patience in tough conversations can transform leadership and deepen connection in all your relationships – https://schoolsofexcellence.com/profit/