How to Stop Overworking Your Nervous System to Keep the School Afloat

 

Listen on Apple Podcast | Listen on Spotify

 

In this deeply honest and emotionally resonant episode, Chanie Wilschanski invites female school leaders into a transformative conversation about the “impossible standard” of leadership in education. She explores the emotional labor women carry, how over-functioning and people-pleasing lead to burnout, and why leading with warmth shouldn’t come at the cost of boundaries or energy. Chanie offers practical strategies—and powerful mindset shifts—to help leaders reclaim their authority and redefine what it means to lead well.

 

What You’ll Learn:

• The impact of emotional exhaustion and over-functioning on female school leaders
  
• The “double-bind” dilemma: being warm vs. being decisive
  
• Why noticing feels like a leadership burden—and how to distribute it
  
• How rescuing becomes reactive leadership disguised as delegation
  
• The importance of identity work, not just strategy, to break burnout cycles
  
• How to create rhythms, boundaries, and systems that protect your warmth
  
• Simple journaling prompts to rethink your leadership posture

 

Key Insights:

1. Emotional Labor Hurts

Women in school leadership hold not only logistical responsibility but also the emotional pulse of the building—staff, parents, students. This leads to heightened emotional exhaustion compared to male counterparts.

2. Warming Doesn’t Mean Weakness

Hormonal responses like “tend-and-befriend” push women to soothe and rescue rather than set boundaries and enforce standards. Warmth is powerful… until it becomes draining without structure.

3. Rescue ≠ Delegation

Bringing in supplies or stepping in during a lesson might feel supportive—but if not shared, it’s rescuing. True leadership distributes responsibility and builds capacity.

4. “Noticing” Is the Hidden Load

You see the trash that won’t get emptied, the subtle shift in energy… and you carry it. That invisible “20%” needs leadership, not martyrdom. Build systems so teams learn to see.

5. Boundaries Honor the Mission

Warmth becomes weaponized when it’s the only way you’ve learned to lead. When boundaries are in place, you’re not being cold—you’re protecting your mission from burnout.

6. Identity Shifts Matter

Your strategy is useless if your identity isn’t aligned. If “rescue leader” stays in your identity, you’ll recreate burnout cycles—even with perfect systems.

Memorable Quotes

“You were meant to build a school that holds you.” – Chanie Wilschanski

“Excellence is built through rhythm, not martyrdom.” – Chanie Wilschanski

Action Steps You Can Take Today

Use these journaling prompts to begin rewriting your leadership story:

Prompt	Why It Matters
What did I carry this week that wasn’t mine to carry?	Start separating your domain vs. others’ responsibilities
What can I release next week?	Practice letting go, even in small moments
Where is my warmth a gift—and where is it a shield?	Distinguish between nurturing and overprotecting
What energy do I want to lead from?	Anchor into the identity you want to embody